“My Name is Vanessa and I am an Overexplainer”

The longer you live with yourself (if anyone knows any other way to live please let me know) the more ridiculous tendencies you recognize about yourself. I have been thinking about blogging for about four years. I have always kept journals that move in a cardboard box with me whenever I change residences. I think my husband is tired of moving this box from place to place and is bored with my nightly rantings, ravings and musings. He has been strongly suggesting that I blog for years. Most people I know think that this is a good idea. “Yes”, they say, “you should start a blog”. “I would read it”, a few friends have declared.
Other people reading it is precisely the problem. I have always journaled as kind of a therapeutic exercise.  It clears my head, gives me a way to organize my thoughts, and gives me perspective when I read entries later.  I never write for anyone else to read.  This is as scary as it gets for me because if I think someone is reading then I will feel the need to explain EVERYTHING.  The whole reason for this post is to admit that, yes I am aware that this is an issue and that I will do my best to reign it in.  But I just couldn’t help explaining why I am blogging.

Okay, now for my second admission.  My first post was just a way for my husband to make me start.  I showed him a video and explained why I thought it was funny and he responded by saying that would make a good blog post.  So, I posted it.  Kind of like announcing your plan to lose 20 pounds, once it’s out there you must do something.

So, just to be clear I do not blog because I think I am so clever or witty.  I do not blog because I am an expert on ANYTHING.  I do not blog because I am a good writer.  It is simply put for my own sanity.  I have 4 children.  Three of them are preschool age and are home with me during the day.  Two are 18 month old twin boys.  There isn’t a lot of adult conversation going on during my days.  Most words spoken during my day are some combination of “no, stop, don’t, yucky” or just jibberish (from the children or me).

Most everyone agrees that no one is perfect but most everyone is uncomfortable with people viewing their imperfections.  This is a big reason why I have stalled until now.  I overexplain because I don’t want to be misunderstood.  I don’t want someone to think one sentence that I say or write could fully sum up how I feel, think or am about something.  We live in such a soundbite culture that it is easy to be misrepresented.  What if they think I…(fill in the blank)?  Oh well, “they” probably will and that’s okay.  We cannot live without being misunderstood.  It is inevitable. But let’s be honest, who will be following this?  To be misunderstood it would have to be read.  I think I am in the clear.