As the mother of three preschoolers and one middle school child I think about friendships (mostly for my middle schooler) quite a bit. I pray about it. I want my children to have Godly friends that will be great influences on them. I intentionally put my kids in places that I think will encourage healthy friendships. But, what about me? What does my Father want to see from my relationships?
The book of Proverbs has a lot to say about friends. Just the other day I was reading Proverbs 27 and read the very well known Proverbs 27:7,
“ As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.”
If I want to be spiritually sharp I must be in authentic relationships. I know this, but up until a couple of months ago my calendar did not reflect this at all. The friends I made pre-kids, who live states away, were the people who knew me best. How did this happen? I had every excuse in the book; too busy, unconventional work schedule, no one shares my interests, no babysitter, my list went on and on, and so did the years.
As everyone knows you never need a friend like you need one in times of trouble. Proverbs 17:17 says,
“A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity”.
I would come up to one of life’s heartbreaks and feel so alone. One of those “bear one another’s burdens” times, but no one else knew what I was dealing with so how could they share the load. So I endeavored to make relationships a priority, but then came the twins.
Making friends was so effortless before I had kids, but with each addition I have found it harder and harder to connect with other women. What I have come to realize is that it’s because I am so focused on my children and what is going on with them that I haven’t been able to truly make this a priority. Or, I am so tired that just going to bed early seems like a much better option than going out and doing something… anything. I have not valued it like I should.
Proverbs 13:20 says,
“He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm.”
As I was talking to my girls about what this verse means, of course the mom in me focused on the “companion of fools” and what happens to them. But then I thought about myself, and my desire for wisdom in every area of my life. Walking with the wise does not just happen. It has to be intentional. I realized that I need to ask the wise to walk with me, because if I wait for them it may not happen. I have been guilty of not asking for help in the areas that I really need. In an effort to change my ways, I have reached out to a wise woman that God has placed in my path and started asking for her counsel. I felt guilty at first for asking for some of her time, but she is delighted to have the opportunity to speak into my life and I am enjoying a new friend.
So, I will do better. I will schedule fellowship (and not cancel). I will be real. I will ask for help.