Category

Faith

Sep 15
1

Feedback Junkie

By | Faith | No Comments

At the moment I am living in a bit of a God-ordained feedback bubble.  I am being asked to do things, getting them done and not hearing anything back about the given task.  I did not think that I had insecurity issues… until now.  

In today’s Facebook, Instagram, Periscope culture we have become accustomed to instant, in the moment feedback.  Whether it’s a “like”, a retweet, a heart or a comment, we can instantly know how someone feels about something that we have posted.  And while this increases our sense of connection to others, it also can be dangerous to measure our impact or effectiveness based on the reactions of others.

My calling is being tested.  God is asking, “Can you be obedient to what I am asking you to do without receiving feedback about it from man?  Are you really seeking feedback or praise?  Are you completely immersed in My love and pleasure with you or are you unsure and looking to earn it by some task well done?  Do you need someone to validate your worth and work?”  Aaaaaah, the insecurity, the striving, the unrest!  

I have been uniquely gifted, as you have been too.  God would like to use those gifts to bless others and increase my joy.  But if I am so caught up on hearing some level of applause no matter how much it sickens me to admit it, the joy is lost and the focus which was intended to be on blessing others rests squarely, heavily, on me.  I am ready to shake loose from the trap of the praise of man.  I cannot seek the Lord’s approval and also look for the approval of man.  Paul states it best in Galatians 1:10

“Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God?  Or am I trying to please men?  If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ.”

If I would please God and walk in complete obedience, I cannot worry about feedback from man.  Now this does not mean that God does not use men to give counsel and guidance.  The difference is where my dependence lies.  There will be times of silence in our journey with the Lord and this time has been a test for me.  There will also be times that God calls us to do things that few in our sphere of influence can understand, anyone that has ever done anything great for God was misunderstood at some point.  Will I shrink back or will I go forward?  I will go forward!

“Being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus”- Philippians 1:6

He is not finished with me yet.  He does not waste any of my time.  I can trust and be obedient knowing that He is continuing the good work that He started in me!  No feedback necessary!

Apr 01
0

Friends

By | Faith, Motherhood | No Comments

Four adult friends meeting in a coffee house

As the mother of three preschoolers and one middle school child I think about friendships (mostly for my middle schooler) quite a bit. I pray about it. I want my children to have Godly friends that will be great influences on them. I intentionally put my kids in places that I think will encourage healthy friendships. But, what about me? What does my Father want to see from my relationships?

The book of Proverbs has a lot to say about friends. Just the other day I was reading Proverbs 27 and read the very well known Proverbs 27:7,

 “ As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.”

If I want to be spiritually sharp I must be in authentic relationships. I know this, but up until a couple of months ago my calendar did not reflect this at all. The friends I made pre-kids, who live states away, were the people who knew me best. How did this happen? I had every excuse in the book; too busy, unconventional work schedule, no one shares my interests, no babysitter, my list went on and on, and so did the years.

As everyone knows you never need a friend like you need one in times of trouble. Proverbs 17:17 says,

“A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity”.

I would come up to one of life’s heartbreaks and feel so alone. One of those “bear one another’s burdens” times, but no one else knew what I was dealing with so how could they share the load. So I endeavored to make relationships a priority, but then came the twins.

 Making friends was so effortless before I had kids, but with each addition I have found it harder and harder to connect with other women. What I have come to realize is that it’s because I am so focused on my children and what is going on with them that I haven’t been able to truly make this a priority. Or, I am so tired that just going to bed early seems like a much better option than going out and doing something… anything. I have not valued it like I should.

 Proverbs 13:20 says,

“He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm.”

As I was talking to my girls about what this verse means, of course the mom in me focused on the “companion of fools” and what happens to them. But then I thought about myself, and my desire for wisdom in every area of my life. Walking with the wise does not just happen. It has to be intentional. I realized that I need to ask the wise to walk with me, because if I wait for them it may not happen. I have been guilty of not asking for help in the areas that I really need. In an effort to change my ways, I have reached out to a wise woman that God has placed in my path and started asking for her counsel. I felt guilty at first for asking for some of her time, but she is delighted to have the opportunity to speak into my life and I am enjoying a new friend.

 So, I will do better. I will schedule fellowship (and not cancel). I will be real. I will ask for help.

Jul 07
0

Hope, Again

By | Faith, Random Musings | No Comments

iStock_000010068089_MediumIt has been said that hope springs eternal and I suppose that is true.  If it were not true many of us wouldn’t even bother to get out of bed.  While we seem to have the tendency to perpetually return to a place of hope many times I take the scenic route.

Proverbs 13:12 says, “Hope deferred makes the heart sick but a longing fufilled is a tree of life.”  Who could have said this better?  I have been trying to assign a word for the fatigue and fear that I have been feeling of late and there is no better description than heartsick.  It is not a word I use in daily conversation but I find it to be more than fitting.

My body is strong.  My mind is capable.  My heart, I must admit is sick.  What does this mean?  Well, the dictionary says it means: sorrowful, depressed, despondent, hopeless.  I would call these fitting definitions but this is not exactly what I mean.  What I mean is closer to the equivalent of the flu for your heart (or hope).  You know tired, achy, weak, in a fog, wanting to function normally but unable to do so.  This is the nature of my heart.  Not completely done in but definitely not ready to jump to the occasion of hoping again.

There are a lot of new things going on for me right now.  Any new endeavor requires new hope or else why even begin.  Some of the new are things I’ve decided to do.  Some of the new, I wouldn’t characterize as ‘my choice’ but me or my family are doing them anyway. You know those things that are for your own good but don’t feel too good right now.  Why they don’t feel good to me usually comes down to fear.  Will I fail?  Will this turn out just like the last time.  Will I get hurt?  How much more can one heart take?

Sometimes I just like telling God about my pain like a small child with a boo boo.  You know that kid that reminds you about their skinned knee every chance they get.  The one that walks with a very labored limp and has you put antibacterial and a new band-aid every 30 minutes.  The one that says they’ll never ride their bike again.  I have been that kid.  God has assured me that He doesn’t mind.  He’ll kiss my boo boo one more time and be waiting beside the bike when inevitably I get back on.  Why do I get back on? Because a longing fufilled is a tree of life! I’ll take it one step further, it’s hard to even feel as though you are living life without hope.  I don’t want a lifeless…life.  So, I’ll stop going around the Mulberry Bush and accept life’s eternal invitation to hope…again.