Whew! Back to School time seems like a finish line to me and I am sure so many other moms. I think everyone likes the change of pace that the summer brings but for me it’s nice to get back to more structure in my schedule. I tried to have all these activities and “field trips” planned this summer but things didn’t go as planned. I think I was learning summers aren’t supposed to be that “planned”. I grew up as a military brat and thrive on order, agendas, punctuality, discipline, you get the picture. This summer had so many unexpected roadblocks that I dare say I have become more flexible because of it. I am learning that flexibility is the truest friend of a mother of young kids. There are sudden sniffles or stomach bugs, mood changes, accidents, and tantrums that just cannot be accounted for.
Now as Grace has gotten into the groove of middle school and Ella will start half-day K-4 three days a week I dream of freshly mopped floors, clean and folded laundry, and general order and cleanliness around my home. Oh yeah and twins that will nap every day on the same schedule. A girl can dream can’t she. While I fantasize about how my post labor day life will be with me in a starring role as a young, black Martha Stewart, I know there is more to life than tasks, chores, and check marks. This is no major revelation to most everyday people but to people like me who live for checking things off to-do lists we have to be reminded that life really is all about people and relationships.
So in the spirit of change and growth I will do some things just for the sake of relationship. Just for the sake of reaching out and connecting with other people. Just for….fun. I have filled out the registration form to become a part of our local Mothers of Preschoolers group. I have also got information about joining one of the daytime small groups at our church, not just joining the one we go to as a family. I am branching out people. If I can safely make it through the first couple of weeks of awkward exchanges I think I may actually enjoy and look forward to these groups and the boys will get out and about a little more beyond the YMCA which is probably good for them as well. When I say, “safely make it through the first couple of weeks”, I just mean don’t offend anyone. I tend to be more straight forward and cut to the chase than most southerners appreciate. I mean, “bless your heart” is a Southerners way of saying “I really pity and feel sorry for you” it is a Southerners way of being mean to your face and yet it sounds so sweet. They sound sweet even when they’re mean and no one would ever describe me as sweet.
I am already getting social anxiety just thinking about this stuff. Deep breaths, deep breaths. I can do this. Well, Tuesday is the big day. My floors may not sparkle again any time soon but hopefully I will begin to understand more fully the richness of life lived together with others. You may think that being a part of a family of six counts as together with others but it doesn’t necessarily, unless you make it so. I am purposefully trying to make it so both in my home and outside of my home. The dirty floors and laundry will be there tomorrow or after the kids are in bed. But the kids are only little for such a short time and I don’t want to be so focused on my to do list that I don’t enjoy it. Enjoy. Maybe if I added enjoy to my to do list I would do it daily. Warped, I know. But you have to realize that I come from a family that had “mandatory fun” nights which consisted of us watching the Roots miniseries. Educational and inspiring for sure but fun?
Life is meant for living. Life, is meant for living. Live! I am a human being, not just a human doing. I will enjoy, relate and connect. Live.
I truly understand the desire to Enjoy; Live; Connect; and Check-off tasks! Since I relocated to the sunny, South, I have connected with more people from home than ever. I’ve enjoyed social gatherings more and I think I am starting to understand what living means. Living is beyond being productive. Living is being in the moment, being present when my daughter talks to me instead of multitasking because I have so much to do. Speaking of things to do, I too can be so focused on checking off tasks on my list that I forget to have fun because it isn’t on the list! I’m probably doing less now than ever in my adult life. And I like it. I must remember that lest I crowd it with activities and wonder why I start feeling overwhelmed. So my rule of thumb, if I add something, take something away.
Being a “work-at-home” mom of a teenager, it’s a long story I’ll share later, I’m thankful to know other moms who don’t work outside the home. Being careful to limit my hours working at home, hasn’t happened yet. I get up at 4:15 (moreoften than not 3:30 am, I magically wake up) and work until 11 pm. Sometimes I go to bed earlier, correction, I fall across the bed exhausted from the day – earlier. And still, I’m thankful. At least my daughter now knows where I am. In the past, I could be working anywhere until late hours and she would fend for herself.
Sunday was a turning point. I finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. I know that life will be better. I CAN Enjoy; Live; Connect; and Check-off tasks. All from the comfort of home.